You have no idea how ready I am to move on to Surly Thursdays. I am forcing myself to recall my week-end, which was filled with largely pleasurable events, rather than wolfing down my entire chocolate stash and listing my largely petty but nonetheless stabifying grievances.
Friday night was my end-of-the-year book club meeting. We went to the Foolish Chicken again (half-racks all around, cue the boob jokes now). I got there at seven, and five minutes later was really afraid that my friend Sharon was having some kind of stroke or a small psychotic break because ohmygod, the loud and the belligerent and the sudden violent gestures. Happily, I found out that she had had many beers before showing up at the restaurant and was just very, very drunk. Tanis emailed our book list for next year to the waitress from her iPad, after we noticed that she was writing down titles in between serving us. Then she mentioned that she had just read A Confederacy of Dunces, which is Sharon's* extra-special favouritest million-times-read book EVER, and Sharon almost leapt over the table and swallowed her whole. I think we're still welcome there. We went to some pub after and Sharon groped the waiter a little, but he seemed okay with it. At the end of the night we were walking back to Tanis's house so I could call a cab. Sharon turned off to retrieve her bike, and we yelled at her to bike slowly and not get her dress caught in the wheel. She said she'd tuck it into her underwear, and flashed us her black panties, which was probably meant to provoke hilarity and exasperation, but instead just generated extreme envy. (*No names have been changed to protect anyone. They're not that innocent anyway).
Saturday night was apparently National Barbecue Day (I don't know, I got some press release about it), so we celebrated by going to our friends' house and watching a Big Jesus Hunk 'o Pork get grilled real good. I made mojitos. Many, many limes were harmed in the making of this pitcher of drinks.
Sunday was Susan's birthday party. I went with Eve because the boys (see under: Goddamned Baseball etc. etc.) I knew theoretically that there could be a lot of people there, and since I only know Susan through Patti, if there were a lot of people there there would be a lot of people I don't KNOW there. The theoretical reality of this, it turns out, is much different than the real reality of this. When Eve and I tried to open the front door, some kids' shoes were blocking it - it was like the house was rejecting us UPON OUR VERY ENTRANCE. I stepped into a room full of people I didn't know. I started to hyperventilate a little. I looked to the left and saw Susan in the kitchen. I waded through the crowd towards her, hoping she would say something comforting. She gave me a hug and said "you have to take off your shoes".
Fortunately, Helen was at the stove. I met Helen through Patti too, and she's a whole pile of awesomeness too (I'll happily give her her own blog post someday). She has an adorable five-year-old daughter who adores, and is in turn adored by, Eve, so they too off and at least that was taken care of. I put my giant basket of strawberries (for which I had made chocolate dip) on the corner, grabbed a cutting board and knife, and turned my back to the room chopping strawberries, while imploring Helen to stay close until I stopped shaking.
It was a fun party, once my hysterical fight-or-flight impulses stopped firing at full thrust. On a few occasions it was hard to decide if I was talking to a friend or relative of Susan's or a slightly deranged homeless person who had wandered off the street, but that sort of just added to the charm. There were a couple of fun quotes, like "I'll show you where it is as soon as I find a googly eye to stick on my sparkly orange fish painting - I just sold it to John", and "Didn't I meet you at one of Jeff's sweat lodges?" People were artistic, and musical, and spoke French, and were freakishly tall, and were gorgeous but still didn't want to have their picture taken, and owned wine bars, and were worried that they had Lyme Disease. Also, Patti's daughter Olivia came in and when Patti told her to go out and play with the other kids she said "they're all playing volleyball". I said "Eve's here, and there's no way in hell SHE'S playing volleyball, why don't you go find her?" and she said "yes she is", and she WAS. Weirdest party ever.
MEOW Book Club List 2012-2013:
The Dominion of Wyley McFadden by Scott Gardiner
Mister Pip by Lloyd Jones
The Sisters Brothers by Patrick deWitt
The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
Just Kids by Patti Smith (non-fiction)
A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan
Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain (non-fiction)
South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami